Troll Cattle Call

I missed my calling as an Internet writer. Instead of voicing human rights concerns I could be tearing down other people's work with John McCain approved talking points. Instead of fighting against the destruction of our nation by corporate greed, I could be working toward the ultimate goal of getting one of John McCain's autographed books. I could probably sell it for literally dozens of quarters, too. What could I have been thinking when I decided to write about serious issues rather than prostitute myself out to the McCain campaign as a troll?

My frustration originates with an article in the Washington Post by Paul Farhi. The article details how the McCain campaign needs the help of everyday folks, like myself, to help spread big batches of manure. The strategy comes in the wake of John McCain's complete meltdown on the issues, and relative inability to speak for himself in any meaningful fashion. Now we, the people, can do all of his lying for him! I can't tell you how excited I am.

In case you don't have the motivation required to check this story out for yourself, I now present the details in all their glory. The plan:

On McCain's Web site, visitors are invited to "Spread the Word" about the presumptive Republican nominee by sending campaign-supplied comments to blogs and Web sites under the visitor's screen name. The site offers sample comments ("John McCain has a comprehensive economic plan . . .") and a list of dozens of suggested destinations, conveniently broken down into "conservative," "liberal," "moderate" and "other" categories. Just cut and paste.

That sounds like fun. Surely nobody will take the suggestion and run around liberal sites flaming like headless chickens, or troll those locations with barely controlled hatred and resentment. The McCain campaign is all about integrity, and surely would never encourage such behavior. However, if participants post the positive, approved comments, then they get prizes!

Prizes include: books autographed by McCain, preferred seating at campaign events, even a ride with the candidate on his bus. Reward points leading to the Big Prize Giveaway are subject to McCain Webmaster approval (an entity which may not exist). Program not available to: African Americans, Latinos, women, the gays, Democrats, artists, musicians, environmentalists, human rights advocates, peace activists, honest judges, honest attorneys, honest politicians, or anybody else who isn't a member of the White Upper Class.

(Thanks to HuffPo, WaPo and Paul Farhi)