The Surge: An Answer to Every Problem

John McCain has become so enamored of the surge in Iraq, which he has trademarked and owns exclusive rights to (and which did not lead to the Anbar Awakening), that it is now his answer to everything. Last week he proposed a surge in our cities to keep the population under control. He honestly believes that America needs armed government thugs on every corner. Now he proposes an “Economic Surge.” John McCain says, “We'll fight those pesky market indicators with our own, better equipped market indicators. We will bring war to every aspect of life in the United States. We're going to have a Straight Surge to fight the Gays. We're going to have a Religious Surge to fight every person who believes in the wrong things. By God, we will definitely have a White Surge to combat the uppity Illinois Senator. And thanks to Viagra, I will have a surge in my pants too.” (paraphrased)